Days 63-65
I'm sorry I'm so horrible about updating on the weekends, Usually I come back on Monday and update my weekend days one by one post dating the entries so that they end up in the right place. Occasionally I actually do post on a weekend day but usually I'm so busy with my weekends or I just don't feel like spending them in front of a computer since I do that all day every day of the week. I apologize for this but I'm doing a three in one post for my weekend because I just don't feel like updating individual days today.
Friday after a dramatic day at work (and let me tell ya it was something!) I went to my parents house. My mom had made me a necklace, bracelet, and earrings for my Birthday and had only just finished them a week later, so she wanted me to come by and pick them up. I got there, and let me say, I love the things my mom makes and if it were my style I would have paid good money for the jewelry because it was so beautiful, but it just wasn't my style. My mom still has a hard time separating her personal taste from what others might like. She knows from experience what kind of jewelry I usually wear and she's managed to do pretty well as far as making me things but this one just didn't make the splash she was hoping for. I felt so bad about it because she worked so hard on it. When it comes to necklaces though I like them small and dainty, I just don't like big bulky beads around my neck, it feels weird to me. So we sat down and looked through a catalogue of jewelry you have to buy through one of those home show things and I picked out a necklace that I loved and we went online and picked out beads that we liked. I had dinner with my parents, mmmm! Cheese Enchilada's of the homemade variety, tasty!! And we spent quite a bit of time talking about my relationship fears and problems, it's weird because my parents and I don't usually talk about that kind of thing, it's not that I don't love them and value their opinion on matters it's just that my parents are very old fashioned and don't get me. But this time it was a relief to be able to get their opinions on quite a bit of different things.
After I left my parents and got home, Nathan called. We talked for about three hours and I felt like things were finally looking up. It was a fun light hearted conversation at first and then we got more serious and talked about some things that we needed to get out into the atmosphere. I felt good and loved when we said goodnight.
Saturday I slept in and did my morning routine of letting dogs out and crawling back into bed. I'd been meaning to get up with my dad and see if he had time to go out to the storage buildings with me and help me get a desk and mirror that I've been wanting for a while. So I called my dad but couldn't get him on his cell and tried home. Mom answered and we talked for a bit, about my conversation with Nate the night before and about my plans for the day. Mom wanted me to come over and go with her to an outlet mall in Smithfield where there's a bead store she likes. So, I got up, showered, and talked to Jordan for a few before heading to mom's again. We went out to the outlet mall and spent pretty much the entire day. Found beads for my necklace and bought Godiva Chocolates at half price (YUM!!) and had dinner at Cracker Barrel. It was so nice to spend an entire day with my mommy. That night since Nate had the kids we didn't get to talk again.
Sunday, was church and fast Sunday at that. I actually fasted, I'm proud of myself for that because that's something I've struggled with a lot as an adult. But I did it. I had some things I needed answers to and so I did what it took to try and get those answers. I still am not sure what my answer is because my answers rely on another persons agency so much. After church we stayed for break the fast and talked with some new people and the missionaries, that was actually kinda fun. We went home and Jordan went off to visit her friend that just had a baby while I started reading a book she loaned me (it's the first in the Dresden Files series, excellent books!) and started doing laundry. As it got later Nathan finally called. We had another one of our tough conversations... it's funny how one night is hard to get through and the next is fun and light hearted. Anyway, we're still having our issues and we're still struggling but I'm still holding on. Maybe I'm crazy for wanting this so badly, maybe I'm just tired of looking and being single and I just want to be with him because he's somebody, and maybe it's that I just purely fell deeply in love with him in the last six months, but I'm not ready to toss it and walk away. I realize he's been through some very tough stuff in his life, and I realize he's still going through some emotional turmoil, and I know that this affects our relationship a great deal, so I'll continue to hold on and be patient and loving and kind, and I will continue to go to church and pray and be who I am, and we'll just have to see if this story ends or if it's got another chapter.
And that was my weekend.
Friday after a dramatic day at work (and let me tell ya it was something!) I went to my parents house. My mom had made me a necklace, bracelet, and earrings for my Birthday and had only just finished them a week later, so she wanted me to come by and pick them up. I got there, and let me say, I love the things my mom makes and if it were my style I would have paid good money for the jewelry because it was so beautiful, but it just wasn't my style. My mom still has a hard time separating her personal taste from what others might like. She knows from experience what kind of jewelry I usually wear and she's managed to do pretty well as far as making me things but this one just didn't make the splash she was hoping for. I felt so bad about it because she worked so hard on it. When it comes to necklaces though I like them small and dainty, I just don't like big bulky beads around my neck, it feels weird to me. So we sat down and looked through a catalogue of jewelry you have to buy through one of those home show things and I picked out a necklace that I loved and we went online and picked out beads that we liked. I had dinner with my parents, mmmm! Cheese Enchilada's of the homemade variety, tasty!! And we spent quite a bit of time talking about my relationship fears and problems, it's weird because my parents and I don't usually talk about that kind of thing, it's not that I don't love them and value their opinion on matters it's just that my parents are very old fashioned and don't get me. But this time it was a relief to be able to get their opinions on quite a bit of different things.
After I left my parents and got home, Nathan called. We talked for about three hours and I felt like things were finally looking up. It was a fun light hearted conversation at first and then we got more serious and talked about some things that we needed to get out into the atmosphere. I felt good and loved when we said goodnight.
Saturday I slept in and did my morning routine of letting dogs out and crawling back into bed. I'd been meaning to get up with my dad and see if he had time to go out to the storage buildings with me and help me get a desk and mirror that I've been wanting for a while. So I called my dad but couldn't get him on his cell and tried home. Mom answered and we talked for a bit, about my conversation with Nate the night before and about my plans for the day. Mom wanted me to come over and go with her to an outlet mall in Smithfield where there's a bead store she likes. So, I got up, showered, and talked to Jordan for a few before heading to mom's again. We went out to the outlet mall and spent pretty much the entire day. Found beads for my necklace and bought Godiva Chocolates at half price (YUM!!) and had dinner at Cracker Barrel. It was so nice to spend an entire day with my mommy. That night since Nate had the kids we didn't get to talk again.
Sunday, was church and fast Sunday at that. I actually fasted, I'm proud of myself for that because that's something I've struggled with a lot as an adult. But I did it. I had some things I needed answers to and so I did what it took to try and get those answers. I still am not sure what my answer is because my answers rely on another persons agency so much. After church we stayed for break the fast and talked with some new people and the missionaries, that was actually kinda fun. We went home and Jordan went off to visit her friend that just had a baby while I started reading a book she loaned me (it's the first in the Dresden Files series, excellent books!) and started doing laundry. As it got later Nathan finally called. We had another one of our tough conversations... it's funny how one night is hard to get through and the next is fun and light hearted. Anyway, we're still having our issues and we're still struggling but I'm still holding on. Maybe I'm crazy for wanting this so badly, maybe I'm just tired of looking and being single and I just want to be with him because he's somebody, and maybe it's that I just purely fell deeply in love with him in the last six months, but I'm not ready to toss it and walk away. I realize he's been through some very tough stuff in his life, and I realize he's still going through some emotional turmoil, and I know that this affects our relationship a great deal, so I'll continue to hold on and be patient and loving and kind, and I will continue to go to church and pray and be who I am, and we'll just have to see if this story ends or if it's got another chapter.
And that was my weekend.
1 Share The Love:
I'm free this Thurs. I would text you but i left my phone at home. Can you do Thurs after work? I don't think we work too far from each other so we could do a downtown restaurant.
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