Day 62
Work was incredibly difficult today, it felt like it dragged on and on because I feel so sad. I'm hanging in there, I really am, but I've seen it happen this way before and I've no doubt where this is going now...when the man that used to send you texts telling you "I'm so glad I found you, you're such a great girlfriend" and used to wake up and text you "good morning beautiful" or "Hey pretty girl" suddenly stops saying sweet things and responds to your texts with completely platonic answers, you kinda know where it's headed. Things with Rae went down almost exactly the same, I could see it as he gradually started pulling away from me, he stopped holding my hand in the car, wouldn't kiss me anymore, and stopped sending me sweet texts and then it was only a week or two before he ended our relationship. I'm praying every night and every spare moment of my days that it doesn't happen again.
I've found a guy that I absolutely love, he makes me feel wonderful when I'm around him, I want to be a better person because of him, my heart still sputters when my cell phone lights up with his name on it. We've managed to make it six month doing a long distance relationship and it's been very difficult, but we've made it this far. And I realize his ex is making waves and he's got a lot of stress from school as well so I'm hoping that these difficult thing will pass us by and we will rise to the top and make it through. I am still planning to move to Wilmington... I have decided that no matter what happens with Nathan and me, I need a change in my life. I need to be out of this job and this city. I want to be somewhere else experiencing different things and making new friends and growing and learning from all of it.
When I got home from work I worked out again, YAY! I needed the endorphins. After my workout I cooked some lovely Lemon Pepper Salmon, mashed potatoes, green beans AND Asparagus. It was a super tasty dinner. Afterwards I talked to Jordan for a bit before she left for her sister's house to watch her show and then I went upstairs. Nathan texted me around 9:15 to let me know that he was still studying for mid-terms tomorrow and that he would call me tomorrow. It made my heart so sad but I told him I loved him and hoped he does well on his tests tomorrow. I turned on Season 1 of Ugly Betty and watched for a while before my phone rang...Brenna was calling me. You know, I've noticed when I'm depressed and really need someone to pour my heart out to, Brenna always seems to call. It's as though the Lord knows that I need to talk to my baby sister. I always feel better when I talk to her, it's so weird and reversed that I get all the sage and loving wisdom from the baby in the family but it always seems to work out that way. I'm so thankful that I have such a loving family.
I've found a guy that I absolutely love, he makes me feel wonderful when I'm around him, I want to be a better person because of him, my heart still sputters when my cell phone lights up with his name on it. We've managed to make it six month doing a long distance relationship and it's been very difficult, but we've made it this far. And I realize his ex is making waves and he's got a lot of stress from school as well so I'm hoping that these difficult thing will pass us by and we will rise to the top and make it through. I am still planning to move to Wilmington... I have decided that no matter what happens with Nathan and me, I need a change in my life. I need to be out of this job and this city. I want to be somewhere else experiencing different things and making new friends and growing and learning from all of it.
When I got home from work I worked out again, YAY! I needed the endorphins. After my workout I cooked some lovely Lemon Pepper Salmon, mashed potatoes, green beans AND Asparagus. It was a super tasty dinner. Afterwards I talked to Jordan for a bit before she left for her sister's house to watch her show and then I went upstairs. Nathan texted me around 9:15 to let me know that he was still studying for mid-terms tomorrow and that he would call me tomorrow. It made my heart so sad but I told him I loved him and hoped he does well on his tests tomorrow. I turned on Season 1 of Ugly Betty and watched for a while before my phone rang...Brenna was calling me. You know, I've noticed when I'm depressed and really need someone to pour my heart out to, Brenna always seems to call. It's as though the Lord knows that I need to talk to my baby sister. I always feel better when I talk to her, it's so weird and reversed that I get all the sage and loving wisdom from the baby in the family but it always seems to work out that way. I'm so thankful that I have such a loving family.
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