Becoming
I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Is there anything anyone is actually "supposed" to do? Does destiny determine if you're a School Teacher, a Garbage Man, or an Oil Tycoon? I'm not sure about that. I hope that my destiny is not to be stuck in the job I have now because I'm doomed to disappoint. I want out! I want out of this chair that has so comfortably formed to my butt and out from behind this computer screen that makes my head hurt every day and away from the horribly negative and motivation sucking environment I've grown adjusted to. I want to be somebody!
I have seen myself become less.
When I left school and started in the work force as an "adult" (I use the quotes because although I'm 27 I still don't see myself as very adult) I was as motivated as they come. However, I chose the wrong career path. I chose to become an employee of the State in which I live and that was a bad idea because all too often jobs with the state will suck any kind of excitement and motivation right out of your soul. Being around an office full of people who are constantly telling you that you need to make your work last as long as possible and slow down and you should be happy you have a job with so much free time...it really changes a person. I no longer see myself offering to help someone else because I have completed my own work already. I'm constantly finding excuses to just sit and stare at my computer screen. It takes me all day to finish work that if I'd buckle down and do it, would only take a few hours.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!
I want out and I want out before these damaging changes become permanent. Perhaps they wont ever be permanent but I don't want to risk it. Over the years I've thought about several different jobs I would love to have and each one is so very different. I want to go back to college at Western and get a double major in History and Forensic Anthropology and then go to the University of Tennessee and get my Masters in Forensic Anthropology. This route would be more difficult than it sounds...don't ask for an explanation because I get really tired of having to explain it to people. But with that I would want to go somewhere and work as a Forensic Anthropologist and help the police catch murderers. I used to want to be a police officer...someone reminded me of that the other day when they said I had that no-nonsense look of a cop (made me laugh so hard!)...but after watching a friend try and fail through the academy I decided it was not something I could physically make it through. I still have dreams of becoming a professional photographer but that takes money and saving money for me is the hardest thing of all. I'm working on that very hard but it's slow going so that dream may have to be on hold for a while.
My newest realization is that I'm good at planning activities, get togethers, and parties. I enjoy the stress associated with actually getting something done...it's better than the stress associated with mean spirited people and a job that makes you sad every day. I enjoy watching people have fun at something I worked hard to plan. And so I'm now trying to find a way into that field. My roommate's sister used to work for Forever Bridal and possibly has some contacts so I'm starting there. I just want to get my foot through the door, even if it's just as an admin so that I can move up to an assistant and up from there to being the one to plan things. I can't help but feel happy when I think about this possibility and I think that's a good sign. I've figured out what I want, now I've just got to go out there and grab it with both hands!
I have seen myself become less.
When I left school and started in the work force as an "adult" (I use the quotes because although I'm 27 I still don't see myself as very adult) I was as motivated as they come. However, I chose the wrong career path. I chose to become an employee of the State in which I live and that was a bad idea because all too often jobs with the state will suck any kind of excitement and motivation right out of your soul. Being around an office full of people who are constantly telling you that you need to make your work last as long as possible and slow down and you should be happy you have a job with so much free time...it really changes a person. I no longer see myself offering to help someone else because I have completed my own work already. I'm constantly finding excuses to just sit and stare at my computer screen. It takes me all day to finish work that if I'd buckle down and do it, would only take a few hours.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!
I want out and I want out before these damaging changes become permanent. Perhaps they wont ever be permanent but I don't want to risk it. Over the years I've thought about several different jobs I would love to have and each one is so very different. I want to go back to college at Western and get a double major in History and Forensic Anthropology and then go to the University of Tennessee and get my Masters in Forensic Anthropology. This route would be more difficult than it sounds...don't ask for an explanation because I get really tired of having to explain it to people. But with that I would want to go somewhere and work as a Forensic Anthropologist and help the police catch murderers. I used to want to be a police officer...someone reminded me of that the other day when they said I had that no-nonsense look of a cop (made me laugh so hard!)...but after watching a friend try and fail through the academy I decided it was not something I could physically make it through. I still have dreams of becoming a professional photographer but that takes money and saving money for me is the hardest thing of all. I'm working on that very hard but it's slow going so that dream may have to be on hold for a while.
My newest realization is that I'm good at planning activities, get togethers, and parties. I enjoy the stress associated with actually getting something done...it's better than the stress associated with mean spirited people and a job that makes you sad every day. I enjoy watching people have fun at something I worked hard to plan. And so I'm now trying to find a way into that field. My roommate's sister used to work for Forever Bridal and possibly has some contacts so I'm starting there. I just want to get my foot through the door, even if it's just as an admin so that I can move up to an assistant and up from there to being the one to plan things. I can't help but feel happy when I think about this possibility and I think that's a good sign. I've figured out what I want, now I've just got to go out there and grab it with both hands!
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