Second Chances

Everywhere I turn there are people giving out second chances, like Blow Pops at a parade. Why is that? It's not just in real life, it seems to be occurring more in the fiction I get my hands on as well. Wasn't it customary that when someone treated you a certain way or screwed things up so badly, you just let them go? Okay, so maybe people deserve a second chance, but why thirds, fourths and fifths? I think I had my share of that drama in High School.

I swear my ex, Zach, and I broke up and got back together so much it makes my head spin just thinking about it. Why do we allow people that have hurt us back into our lives? Are we all just gluttons for punishment? I don't know where to find these answers, I only seem to know where to find the examples. I was reading a new series of books over this last week and it got my mind churning, don't get me wrong because if the main characters hadn't gotten back together I would have thrown the book down in disgust and jumped on it. And in a movie I watched recently. The thing is though, when someone leaves you feeling so empty that you feel like your world is falling apart, is it really ever a good idea to set yourself up for that again?

I was in love. Deep, feel it in your toes, planning forever, mushy, ooey gooey LOVE. The other person just didn't reciprocate. When someone is constantly reminding you that you're not their girlfriend and that you love them more than they love you... why do you stay with them? I stayed because I saw something no one else saw, I loved him so much that I thought, some day he's going to wake up and realize what a beautiful thing we could have. Things only got worse from there. I felt wretched all the time. I became paranoid, not without good reason of course, but it was just sad. Why was I doing this to myself? Why in the world was I letting someone treat me so horribly? To this day I don't think there's any way to put into words how much I felt for him and how much it hurt me to think of letting go. But let go I did. It was the best thing I could ever do. We tried to stay friends, but I decided, after some terrible things happened in his life (they were his fault mind you), that it was time to sever this last thread of hope I had been holding onto. When I cut that tie I felt so relieved. It was like the largest weight had been lifted from my ridiculously small shoulders. We eventually started keeping in touch again and he calls every so often to see how I am and I still care a great deal about him. But, I no longer love him in that way. He tells me how much he thinks about me and how much he'd love to see me and jokes about marriage a lot but to me it's all just talk. He says, "you know it's so true what they say. You don't realize what you have until it's gone." Yes people, it is true. I gave him every chance he could possibly wish for but it wasn't until I'd let my heart heal that he decided he loved me in return. Like I said, we're still friends and I'm even sending him a late Birthday present but I know one thing for certain... no matter how many second chances the people (real or fictional) around me are giving, I will never be able to doll them out so freely next time.