The Beginning of The End...
Of the fat and lazy me.
Here goes. Hold me to this and if I don't stick with it everyone has my permission to harass, hound, beat, berate, or in any other way shape or form make me feel like a failure.
After a long conversation yesterday and many tears and hurtful words being passed back and forth, no you don't need to know who the conversation took place with just know that they meant well even though it came across painfully, I have decided to return to heavy exercise and trying to eat a healthy diet. Many of you who have read this from the beginning have been witness to my constant roller coaster of diet and exercise and the painful struggle I've gone through from tears to back pain and intense exercise to extreme dieting. Here's where it all starts, again.
It has indeed been a while since I have updated this blog and I hate to turn this into the chronicles of the fat girl but it's about to. I apologize to any readers I may lose along the way but let's face it I started this blog as an outlet for myself and I really need to use it as a journal for this struggle I'm about to undertake...AND I can use all the love and support I can get as I take this on.
The last time I began a weight loss plan it was the extreme HCG diet recommended by my friend Kelley who had personally shed 50lbs after a great many months of sticking with a ridiculously difficult diet. I began the diet with an exercise regimen and felt superb as I began to lose between 1 and 2 lbs a day. I managed to get within 10lbs of my goal weight and shed a fabulous 20lbs. I also managed to stick with what specialists and Dr's consider an impossible diet, I actually found it's specific restrictions to be a relief, I had an outline of what I could and could not eat and it helped me focus and not crave things I should be staying away from. I even managed to maintain the 20lb weight loss within 1-2lbs for the next 3 months! I was prouder of myself at that time than I had ever been. I withheld the before photos and planned to make a post that showed my impressive figure changes, instead I created a post with a picture of me hiking before and one taken with friends after, you can see it here...it still shows the impressive changes that took place. I don't have, or can't find where I have, the original before photographs, which sucks because I started out at 166lbs and ended at 140lbs...it may not seem like a lot but when all that fat is built up on the very small frame of a 5'2" me, it really is a lot.
Here is where I am today. I gained back all 20lbs after about 3 months it was like a steady mudslide and it all creeped back onto my little frame and decided to take up residence. The fact that I had so many changes going on in my life in the last 6 months hasn't helped any and I've gone through moves and depression and stress and loneliness followed by more depression, then back pain and laziness. I have now reached 177lbs. HOLY POO ON TOAST! What happened to me?!? I can not afford to repeat the same diet as before and I can not afford to continue at this rate. Here is what I am proposing:
Starting today, I will work out 7 days a week. It may not be a high impact workout every day but I will be doing SOMETHING even it's just yoga to stretch my back and relax my muscles. I will go to the store and purchase chicken, lean beef, fish, and vegetables and I will cook my meals a week in advance, like I did on the diet. Also, as on the diet, I will restrict myself to eating only from a certain list of foods until I feel like I can slowly add back other items and maintain some sense of control when eating them. I have a goal, it's a little one but it's a goal nonetheless, I WILL lose 5lbs before Christmas. And once I achieve that I will set my next goal. And because there is NO looking back I will post the before pictures today and not wait until after everyone sees the change. They are awful, embarrassing, horrifying, and disgusting but I am posting them as my motivation because I want everyone to see what I have become now and know that if I don't stick with this it will only get worse. I want to be able to look back and say YES! I am looking better already! And I WILL post monthly photos of my progress and I WILL make progress.
Here goes EVERYTHING:
Here goes. Hold me to this and if I don't stick with it everyone has my permission to harass, hound, beat, berate, or in any other way shape or form make me feel like a failure.
After a long conversation yesterday and many tears and hurtful words being passed back and forth, no you don't need to know who the conversation took place with just know that they meant well even though it came across painfully, I have decided to return to heavy exercise and trying to eat a healthy diet. Many of you who have read this from the beginning have been witness to my constant roller coaster of diet and exercise and the painful struggle I've gone through from tears to back pain and intense exercise to extreme dieting. Here's where it all starts, again.
It has indeed been a while since I have updated this blog and I hate to turn this into the chronicles of the fat girl but it's about to. I apologize to any readers I may lose along the way but let's face it I started this blog as an outlet for myself and I really need to use it as a journal for this struggle I'm about to undertake...AND I can use all the love and support I can get as I take this on.
The last time I began a weight loss plan it was the extreme HCG diet recommended by my friend Kelley who had personally shed 50lbs after a great many months of sticking with a ridiculously difficult diet. I began the diet with an exercise regimen and felt superb as I began to lose between 1 and 2 lbs a day. I managed to get within 10lbs of my goal weight and shed a fabulous 20lbs. I also managed to stick with what specialists and Dr's consider an impossible diet, I actually found it's specific restrictions to be a relief, I had an outline of what I could and could not eat and it helped me focus and not crave things I should be staying away from. I even managed to maintain the 20lb weight loss within 1-2lbs for the next 3 months! I was prouder of myself at that time than I had ever been. I withheld the before photos and planned to make a post that showed my impressive figure changes, instead I created a post with a picture of me hiking before and one taken with friends after, you can see it here...it still shows the impressive changes that took place. I don't have, or can't find where I have, the original before photographs, which sucks because I started out at 166lbs and ended at 140lbs...it may not seem like a lot but when all that fat is built up on the very small frame of a 5'2" me, it really is a lot.
Here is where I am today. I gained back all 20lbs after about 3 months it was like a steady mudslide and it all creeped back onto my little frame and decided to take up residence. The fact that I had so many changes going on in my life in the last 6 months hasn't helped any and I've gone through moves and depression and stress and loneliness followed by more depression, then back pain and laziness. I have now reached 177lbs. HOLY POO ON TOAST! What happened to me?!? I can not afford to repeat the same diet as before and I can not afford to continue at this rate. Here is what I am proposing:
Starting today, I will work out 7 days a week. It may not be a high impact workout every day but I will be doing SOMETHING even it's just yoga to stretch my back and relax my muscles. I will go to the store and purchase chicken, lean beef, fish, and vegetables and I will cook my meals a week in advance, like I did on the diet. Also, as on the diet, I will restrict myself to eating only from a certain list of foods until I feel like I can slowly add back other items and maintain some sense of control when eating them. I have a goal, it's a little one but it's a goal nonetheless, I WILL lose 5lbs before Christmas. And once I achieve that I will set my next goal. And because there is NO looking back I will post the before pictures today and not wait until after everyone sees the change. They are awful, embarrassing, horrifying, and disgusting but I am posting them as my motivation because I want everyone to see what I have become now and know that if I don't stick with this it will only get worse. I want to be able to look back and say YES! I am looking better already! And I WILL post monthly photos of my progress and I WILL make progress.
Here goes EVERYTHING:
I apologize if you suddenly lost your lunch. It's pretty bad at this point. This is me today 12/3/2011 at 177.8lbs and the largest I have ever been in my life, hopefully the largest I will EVER be and NEVER be again.
My first day of exercise (today of course) I began with TurboJam Learn and Burn and then did the 20 minute workout afterwards. I didn't want to start out too hard, I do realize my body needs to readjust to working out. Tomorrow will be 20 minute workout and AbJam. Then beginning on Monday I will add ChaLEAN Extreme to the mix. I'm doubling up my workouts daily for maximum effect. I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT AND I WILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AGAIN!
4 Share The Love:
you can do it! it's a constant struggle but it sounds like you are dedicated:)
Don't forget that losing weight is also an emotional struggle as well as a physical one. Our spiritual selves cannot be separated from our physical ones so find a spiritual area that needs some working out too... maybe you need to dedicate some time to journal writing, listening to one talk a week from a past general conference, or maybe you just need to re-dedicate yourself to reading some daily scripture. Whatever it is, I can tell you that your struggle is NOT just about fat. If you don't also fix what's hurting inside, you can't be able to healthfully fix the outside. =) You can do this. I know from reading your blog that you know what it takes and you know how hard life is and to me, knowing what the challenge is, is half the battle. Just don't take the Ariel living INSIDE your body for granted. It needs just as much love and attention as the outside. I'm in your corner!
I love what Rachel said it totally makes sense. Good luck on your adventure. I'll be reading and keeping up. I'm trying to lose 20 lbs from the baby. I'm taking it one step at a time. I finally got to the point where working out is a habit and now I'm working on what I eat. I'm going to start with 1800 calories a day and work my way down to 1200. I totally understand the whole height thing too. It makes a big difference how tall you are.
Thank you ladies! Rachel you are awesome and I appreciate it and will add that to my list of things to work on. I'm thinking a good start would be not working Sunday mornings unless I have to and actually getting my butt to church. Thank you for the advice.
And Sofia I wish you the BEST of luck as well! Hopefully we'll both be able to achieve our goals! Do keep me posted!
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