When Life Gives ME Lemons...
I throw them right back like a grenade that might explode momentarily. Well, I wish I did, but honestly I tend to hoard them and squeeze their sour acidic juice right into the open wounds. I'm not sure why I do it, maybe something about being miserable drives me..who knows? Lately things have been piling up again.
So lemon number 1, my roommate is leaving. I'm 50/50 on this one...at first I was so hurt and felt betrayed because we made all these big plans for what we'd be doing soon and then she springs on me that she's decided her best bet is to move to San Francisco to live with her parents. The more I've thought about it though, and talked to some people about my feelings, I've realized that it's not about me. She has to do what she needs to do to make her life better for her plus I'm starting to miss living alone. Now that I have friends and see people on a regular basis I miss having my home all to myself.
Lemon number 2 the guy I was so enamored with proved to be another loser. Lemon number 3 goes hand in hand with Lemon number 2...there was a girl I made friends with from church and tried to help with her relationship problems because I saw the same things happening with her that were happening with me. I told her how great it was that this guy had become a part of my life after all the things I had just been through and how much she deserved someone who treated her with love and respect and who could take her to the temple. One day the guy I was spending time with and talking to walked up to me after church and told me he had some good news for me...he had decided he wanted to pursue my friend. I was so stunned I didn't hear the rest of the conversation past the part where I asked him how it was good news and he told me well it was good for him. Yeah, that happened. When I asked the girl that I thought was my friend if she knew he had decided to date her, she told me he had spoken to her about it and she wasn't sure how to tell me but now she guessed she didn't have to because he broke the news to me. I asked her how this happened since she knew how I felt about him and she told me that she couldn't deny what he had told her. Yeah, that happened too. I was so stunned. Instead of being a REAL friend and telling him that if he didn't have feelings for me he and I needed to work that out first with me before trying to date her. So not only did I lose the guy, I lost what I thought was a friend too. And now I have to see them all over each other at church every Sunday and come to find out apparently they're already having sleepovers. Wow, guess I dodged a bullet there.
Lemon number 4 financial instability which is being compounded by lemon number 1. My job is just not cutting it anymore. I'm working 3 jobs and making way less money then when I only had 1 job. It's stressful not knowing if you can pay your bills from week to week. And this particular lemon is extremely sour right now because I have applied to several higher paying jobs that I probably wont hear from for a little while longer since they're State and County jobs. I literally pray every night that one of these jobs calls me back soon because I need the financial stability here more than anything else right now.
And so as my lemons pile up I call my dad for advice and he tells me that he swore to me when I started attending church again and trying to live a righteous life that Satan would throw up lots of roadblocks to try and keep me from being where I need to be and that I need to re-read my patriarchal blessing because there is something in there that will always help me through these times of trial and stress. And so I do that. I work harder to build a stronger testimony on my own and to stay active in church and provide service for others because this is how I am going to make these lemons turn from sour juice into some sweetly tart lemonade. :P
So lemon number 1, my roommate is leaving. I'm 50/50 on this one...at first I was so hurt and felt betrayed because we made all these big plans for what we'd be doing soon and then she springs on me that she's decided her best bet is to move to San Francisco to live with her parents. The more I've thought about it though, and talked to some people about my feelings, I've realized that it's not about me. She has to do what she needs to do to make her life better for her plus I'm starting to miss living alone. Now that I have friends and see people on a regular basis I miss having my home all to myself.
Lemon number 2 the guy I was so enamored with proved to be another loser. Lemon number 3 goes hand in hand with Lemon number 2...there was a girl I made friends with from church and tried to help with her relationship problems because I saw the same things happening with her that were happening with me. I told her how great it was that this guy had become a part of my life after all the things I had just been through and how much she deserved someone who treated her with love and respect and who could take her to the temple. One day the guy I was spending time with and talking to walked up to me after church and told me he had some good news for me...he had decided he wanted to pursue my friend. I was so stunned I didn't hear the rest of the conversation past the part where I asked him how it was good news and he told me well it was good for him. Yeah, that happened. When I asked the girl that I thought was my friend if she knew he had decided to date her, she told me he had spoken to her about it and she wasn't sure how to tell me but now she guessed she didn't have to because he broke the news to me. I asked her how this happened since she knew how I felt about him and she told me that she couldn't deny what he had told her. Yeah, that happened too. I was so stunned. Instead of being a REAL friend and telling him that if he didn't have feelings for me he and I needed to work that out first with me before trying to date her. So not only did I lose the guy, I lost what I thought was a friend too. And now I have to see them all over each other at church every Sunday and come to find out apparently they're already having sleepovers. Wow, guess I dodged a bullet there.
Lemon number 4 financial instability which is being compounded by lemon number 1. My job is just not cutting it anymore. I'm working 3 jobs and making way less money then when I only had 1 job. It's stressful not knowing if you can pay your bills from week to week. And this particular lemon is extremely sour right now because I have applied to several higher paying jobs that I probably wont hear from for a little while longer since they're State and County jobs. I literally pray every night that one of these jobs calls me back soon because I need the financial stability here more than anything else right now.
And so as my lemons pile up I call my dad for advice and he tells me that he swore to me when I started attending church again and trying to live a righteous life that Satan would throw up lots of roadblocks to try and keep me from being where I need to be and that I need to re-read my patriarchal blessing because there is something in there that will always help me through these times of trial and stress. And so I do that. I work harder to build a stronger testimony on my own and to stay active in church and provide service for others because this is how I am going to make these lemons turn from sour juice into some sweetly tart lemonade. :P
1 Share The Love:
Your dad is totally right!! I see this all the time as a ward missionary and some times Satan wins. Its so heart breaking to watch. Please hang in there. I'm excited to see what these lemons turn into. And I agree you dodged a bullet with that guy. I'll pray for you too!
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